We are bombarded with messages, bombarded by people who want to tell us something: advertisers telling us what we should desire and buy, parents or friends telling us how to get our acts together, employers expressing expectations and issuing orders, social media “pings,” teachers and/or preachers pouring “content” into our heads, not to mention all our “inner voices” that constantly correct and question us, signals form our hormones, unexpressed emotions: we get told a whole bunch, every single day!
It’s not all bad. I’m sure you can think of times when someone told you something, and you are grateful that they did.
But so many of us are desperate, not to be told something, but to be asked, and to be truly and deeply listened to. Thoughtful, open-ended questions (i.e., not simply Yes/No or one-word-answer questions) and attentive listening take time. Particularly …
Grief–sorrow, sadness, lament … perhaps even some anger or depression, maybe despair–are how we react to loss. Every change, even good and desired change, entails some aspects of loss. You get that long sought-after job and are now wondering if you’re really as capable and competent as you thought; plus you miss your old colleagues. You marry your sweetheart, and start to realize that your level of flexibility and independence have … changed. A baby arrives and nothing is the same.
Another word for change is transition. “Change” simply means that things are different. “Transition” is directional: a transition is an in-between time during which you move from your familiar “here” to a new and as yet undiscovered “there.” Significant life transitions always require us to face and embrace some loss, along with the possibilities of the new. And when we …
You probably have all kinds of things on your mind, occupying your attention, drawing your energy. Some of what’s on your mind are good and necessary things; some are distracting, maybe even annoying; some are confusing or troubling; a couple may be painful, things you want to avoid; a few are exciting, encouraging, replenishing.
And somewhere in this complicated mix is your “one thing”: right now, if you could figure out this one thing, it would release you into a season of clearer focus, renewed energy and greater flourishing. What is that one thing for you?
It’s likely not the first or second thing you would say. What you would say first or second or third are not wrong, and they are likely connected in some way to your one thing … but they aren’t the one thing for you at this …
No, really: what do you want? The question might sound selfish … or shouldn’t the answer be obvious already: doesn’t everyone know what he or she wants?
We are designed to live from our desires–that is, we are designed to love. But our loves get disordered: we love the wrong things, or we love good things, but in wrong ways. Our loves get derailed, by circumstances, by our own self-talk, by evil done to us, by evil we have done. Our loves get distorted, by distraction, advertising, fuzzy priorities, time poorly spent. We end up chasing many things instead of pursuing the one necessary, truer, better thing.
What do you want? What would it mean to you to get that thing you desire? And would you really like the person you would become?
Coaching is a way to have these fundamental conversations–and work …
As you think about your life–who you are, what matters most, where y0u’re going, how you’re going to get there–it’s helpful to have two viewpoints or “lenses” to look through.
You need a Big Picture, top-level, helicopter view–a “God’s eye” view of you, if you will. Your life will tell a story of one kind or another–but you are not the sole author of that story. You didn’t choose your parents, siblings, place of birth, DNA and a host of other characteristics. You arrived on the scene with some innate gifts, talents, and temperament, and you have worked to develop them, yet none of us is a fully “self-made” woman or man. You have been shaped by some things that were outside your control, some of them helpful and upbuilding, some that were hurtful or even damaging. You sense a call, …
No one wants to be called a “misfit”! Means you don’t fit in, don’t belong, are kind of an odd duck, an outlier.
But “misfit” can describe the disconnect, the lack of “a good fit,” between who you are and what you do. You might feel like a “misfit,” but that feeling is telling you something important, something worth paying close attention to.
In a perfect world, we could “do who we are” — but we don’t live there. It’s part of the journey of our lives, to move towards and then into that “best fit” between who I am and what I do.
It’s about much more than trying to find your so-called “dream job” or taking your current work “to the next level.” No job can tell you who you are; no job can give to you a deep, true, and …
Each of us is a unique person, with a unique identity and calling. And we are each in a unique place in our journey. We all battle with too much to do, too many distractions, too little time. What if there were a way to create a personalized plan that would help you be more intentional about your growth and development as a person, as a leader—and what if that plan included some personal coaching that would help you see your life and leadership move into a new place?
I work with and through a coaching organization called LeaderBreakthru (www.leaderbreakthru.com). LB has developed a personalized life/leadership development program called TRAC, and is now ready to do some beta-testing.
I’m looking for people who are interested their ongoing development and interested in helping pilot this new TRAC program. You’ll see that a lot …
We have so many choices each and every day! This abundance of choices is both a blessing and a curse. It’s a wonderful thing that we are offered so many choices, rather than having someone else decide most everything for us. But having so many options to decide among can also become burdensome, especially when it comes to core questions like “Who am I?” or “Where am I heading–and is that really where I want to go?”
The hyper-individualism of our modern age often separates us from many of the resources we need to answer such life-shaping, life-directing questions well. Coaching can help bring clarity–but not because a coach has all the answers, will tell you what to do, or make you do it. Coaching is oriented to drawing out from you the answers to significant life questions, drawing out the …
Life transitions can be exciting: graduation, moving, marriage, a new job, becoming a parent … Life transitions can be painful: being fired, getting seriously ill, divorce … Life transitions–major changes, significant turning points–can be exhilarating and exhausting, exciting and confusing, welcomed-in-advance or taken-you-by-surprise.
Here’s the thing: transitions are both unavoidable and necessary. Some of your best growth will come in and through transition times. And transitions can be times when we lose our way.
Coaching can help you sort through what’s going on, what it means, what matters most to you, and where you want to head. None of us comes to clarity alone–and transitions are times when clarity is really needed!
Why “Kinetic Life Coaching”?
Back to high-school physics: potential energy is energy that is stored up. It’s available but not yet activated or released. Kinetic energy is energy in motion, energy released and put to work.
No human being lacks potential. But most all of us, at some times and for a variety of reasons, experience difficulty getting our life’s energies harnessed, focused and released. Sometimes we flail, expending energy in all kinds of directions but to no real purpose. Sometimes we get “stuck,” either going in circles or not really moving at all.
Coaching is a way to get your life’s energies clarified and moving in directions that make sense for you, that help you move towards where you want to go, and where you need to go, in order to become more fully who you really are.
It’s not a coach’s role to do something to you. It’s also not a coach’s role to do something for you. When it comes to coaching, the operative preposition is with.
A coach works with you. The goal is not you listening while someone else tells you to do; the goal is you hearing yourself, in your own voice, articulating what matters most to you now, what your goals are, and what you see as the best pathways forward. A coach listens, asks, probes, and may occasionally suggest, but the overarching context is this:
What you are told, you will tend to resist; what you discover for yourself, you will own.
You have more than you think you do; you know more than you suspect you do; you are carrying gifts more wonderful than you imagine. A coach works with you, helping you …
We don’t come to clarity alone; we need all kinds of help to see ourselves and our circumstances clearly, and to know what are the best ways forward.
A coach doesn’t have all the answers for you and is not someone who makes you do things, like running extra laps or doing more push-ups. A coach knows how to draw out from you what’s already “in there.” What’s “in there” is often disorganized, confusing, hidden behind wounds and defenses, and a coach can help you identify clearly what matters most to you, and develop pathways that you think will help you get to where you want to go.
A good coach doesn’t focus on telling you things but on asking you the kind of questions that help you get moving–and then encouraging and supporting you along the way.
Ahh, nothing like a nice hike in the great outdoors on a beautiful day! The trail map makes it clear: that little blue line starts here, goes there, and finally ends up at your desired destination with a spectacular view.
It’s one thing to see the way you want to go; it’s quite another thing to actually get going, especially if the pathway is difficult. The map doesn’t always tell you what you’ll face, and the obstacles you’ll need to overcome, as you follow the trail. If you’ve ever tried to stop smoking, lose 10 pounds or “find a better job,” you know what I mean: it’s pretty clear what you need to do (e.g., eat less and exercise more), but doing it consistently is where things tend to break down.
Traction has to do with getting going, and then keeping going …
Clarity has to do with seeing yourself and your circumstances honestly and accurately. Feeling confused, perplexed or “stuck” are indicators of a lack of clarity — and that makes moving in a good direction really difficult!
Sometimes the thing that is most in my way is me: the way I see myself, the way I think about my situation, the way I view those around me, the way I am committed to habits and attitudes that may not be all that helpful.
We don’t come to clarity alone. You and your circumstances are too complex for you to see things whole. Coaching can help you move towards greater clarity — the kind of clarity that gets you going in good directions!