It’s not a coach’s role to do something to you.  It’s also not a coach’s role to do something for you.  When it comes to coaching, the operative preposition is with.

A coach works with you.  The goal is not you listening while someone else tells you to do; the goal is you hearing yourself, in your own voice, articulating what matters most to you now, what your goals are, and what you see as the best pathways forward.  A coach listens, asks, probes, and may occasionally suggest, but the overarching context is this:

What you are told, you will tend to resist; what you discover for yourself, you will own.

You have more than you think you do; you know more than you suspect you do; you are carrying gifts more wonderful than you imagine.  A coach works with you, helping you …

We don’t come to clarity alone; we need all kinds of help to see ourselves and our circumstances clearly, and to know what are the best ways forward.

A coach doesn’t have all the answers for you and is not someone who makes you do things, like running extra laps or doing more push-ups.  A coach knows how to draw out from you what’s already “in there.”  What’s “in there” is often disorganized, confusing, hidden behind wounds and defenses, and a coach can help you identify clearly what matters most to you, and develop pathways that you think will help you get to where you want to go.

A good coach doesn’t focus on telling you things but on asking you the kind of questions that help you get moving–and then encouraging and supporting you along the way.

Ahh, nothing like a nice hike in the great outdoors on a beautiful day!  The trail map makes it clear: that little blue line starts here, goes there, and finally ends up at your desired destination with a spectacular view.

It’s one thing to see the way you want to go; it’s quite another thing to actually get going, especially if the pathway is difficult.  The map doesn’t always tell you what you’ll face, and the obstacles you’ll need to overcome, as you follow the trail.  If you’ve ever tried to stop smoking, lose 10 pounds or “find a better job,” you know what I mean: it’s pretty clear what you need to do (e.g., eat less and exercise more), but doing it consistently is where things tend to break down.

Traction has to do with getting going, and then keeping going …

Clarity has to do with seeing yourself and your circumstances honestly and accurately. Feeling confused, perplexed or “stuck”  are indicators of a lack of clarity — and that makes moving in a good direction really difficult!

Sometimes the thing that is most in my way is me: the way I see myself, the way I think about my situation, the way I view those around me, the way I am committed to habits and attitudes that may not be all that helpful.

We don’t come to clarity alone.  You and your circumstances are too complex for you to see things whole.  Coaching can help you move towards greater clarity — the kind of clarity that gets you going in good directions!